This post is actually two posts in one, which is why the title is so freaking long! The second post was promised to @mickdo100 on Twitter.  He’s been very good to me, and has always been able to read between the lines where my tweets are concerned, for which I am very grateful.

Yes, there really are two cars under there. I call them "car cocoons."

Since it’s been so nasty out, and I’ve not run a race in a while, please enjoy the photos spread throughout this post, again. I saw Ruthie the other night while her dad was out, and I had time before my board meeting. And I know you’re all dying to see how much snow we’ve got.  (Gee, thanks, Terri!)  The snow is part of the reason why I’ve been running inside so much lately.  (Plus, the “scenery” in a gym can be beautiful in a whole different way from a solo run outside in the elements. I think you know what I mean…)  But seriously, running inside also makes me feel like I’m not so alone with all these people working out around me, which is nice.

This photo was taken from inside my car. Notice how tall the snowbank is. This is in Ruthie's town.

Ok, so first part of this post:

One song that I listened to over and over toward the end of July last year was the song “It Is What It Is,” by Lifehouse.  I would go out on runs and literally listen to it over and over for the entire run, while I got lost in my head.   Physically, I would feel like some days I was flying, other days that I was really dragging, and then I’d look down at my Garmin to see that I was running paces in the low 8s. That’s what stress will do for you.

I hadn’t listened to the song a lot since, because it reminded me of that time when I was really hurting and really confused, and didn’t know if I was coming or going. I was crying just about every day.  Running allowed me an outlet in which to think all on my own, or to get out there and just not think about anything. I think those of you who are runners (past or present),  reading this, understand.

I've been trying to grow plants/herbs from seed inside. The plant lights really cheer up the place, and work!

Well, the other day it came on my ipod when I was on the treadmill. At first, I was going to turn it off, and then I thought to myself that I needed to change what thoughts came to my mind when I hear it. So, instead of thinking of how down and out I felt last summer, I thought of how much my life has changed since. I realized I’ve come a long way, and then I think I was smiling. (I’m sure that freaked out a few people around me, “what’s this weirdo girl doing, smiling at nothing?!)  Anyway, I listened to it a few times and realized I was saying to myself “you’ve come a long way, you know that? It’s been a lot of work and effort but it has been worth it, and now you are being true to yourself.”  (Luckily I wasn’t actually talking out loud, that would have been, well, kinda weird, don’t you think?)

This is quite a change from the last 6 months, when my self-talk (for lack of a better term) has been pretty harsh and judgmental. I am trying to let go of that. Lately, I’ve been feeling more of an urge to go back to that positive mindset I worked so hard to cultivate during my marathon training in ’08.  I’m really happy with that change.

Running Topless:

Ruthie with one of her many, many toys...

I mentioned this on twitter the other day, and it really got some people’s attention, LOL. My friend Bill  says that the phrase “running topless” definitely means something different to a guy than it does to a woman. Heh, Heh, Heh!

So, let me put it out there:  I’m thinking when a guy hears the phrase “running topless,” he thinks of boobs hanging out everywhere. A woman thinks, ok sans bra.  Note to guys out there – if you need to wear a running bra to cover up your man-boobs, um….yeah….we really don’t wanna see that!!!  EEWW A woman never wants her guy’s boobs to be bigger than hers, trust me on this. 🙂

On the other hand, if you’re a good looking guy and wanna go topless, by all means, go with that feeling!! Please!!  Tee hee.

Anyway, I’ve definitely heard women talk about smaller women who “run topless” as well as write about it on their blogs. Um, and the commentary is not always so nice. Well, there may  be reasons they go topless.  They could either (1) sweat like a farm animal, or (2) actually be a farm animal, or (3) be trying to show off their body.  In my case, I’m in option 1.  Definitely. 

So, please, if you see a girl in the gym, and you’re pissed at her for being one of those “little girls wearing almost next to nothing,” well, maybe you should thank your lucky stars that you don’t sweat like she does. 🙂   And if she doesn’t put her top immediately back on when she’s all done running, you never know…she could be trying to cut down on laundry, not trying to show everyone what she’s got, boob-wise.  (Not that I would know about that…..LOL)  Also, be glad she doesn’t wink at you, as someone suggested I should react!

So, you may have guessed – I’m having a fling with the treadmill. Not sure if it’s a May-December kind of thing or not, but I’m just going to go with it for now and rack up as many miles as I can or want to do.  They are doing a spring challenge at my gym, and I didn’t start out being competitive, but so far, I’m in 11th place out of about 100. (The goal is to run/bike/elliptical 204 miles between MLK Day and opening day for the Red Sox, or the distance between the Bronx and Fenway.)  While I’ll not win it (the leaders are training for the Boston Marathon, so they’re putting in insane mileage right now), I’m paying more attention to how much I’m running and biking. I really want to be toward the front of the pack – this is one time where I’m not gonna settle for “middle of the pack girl.”

I’m sorry if my last few posts have made me sound like I’m self-absorbed. I’m just trying to work through a lot and my therapist thought it was a good sign that I’ve taken more to blogging lately than writing in my journal.  If you’ve read this far, thank you!