Today’s run was more of a labor, not a labor of love.  A lot of it was due to my mental state.  I was still angry from dealing with that person yesterday and I was pissed at myself for still being angry and letting it get to me.  I even tried channeling my friend, Lis, who used to be able to talk me through times when I’d get bothered by such little things, on our long runs together. That helped for a bit, but not having her physically there was just not the same.

But I did work out what I wanted to do, in my mind.  I decided to tell the faculty member what had happened.  I did, this morning, and it was a like a weight had been lifted off of my chest.  I have just gotten to the point where I’ve decided, I am not a doormat and I don’t deserve to be treated like one.  So many times at my university, I’ve realized from my colleagues that we have now accepted it as a norm to feel unappreciated and really undervalued, by both students and faculty alike.

What I have to remind myself of is that this particular faculty member appreciates me. I have to remind myself that there are students out there like Elisha who are normal, and do appreciate others.  There are good eggs, I just need to look hard and far to find them, and then pray that their experiences at my school don’t change them, that they can keep that genuineness intact.  Some of them have even commented or emailed me about this blog in the past.

And I have to not let the negative thoughts get to me so much.  Allowing that to happen gave this person and his actions so much power. Way too much, in fact. Just a few minutes ago, I read this post on ZenHabits – Things We Think About But Do Not Say, and thought, “well, that’s timely.”

My running this morning was way too slow as a result.  A few times I walked just to try to talk myself into a better mood.  I suppose it would have also helped if it had not been so humid, and sunny.  The time for Endurolytes has definitely returned. I much prefer running in fog/mist/grayness, like Penny. Next week, I’ll try much harder to keep my mileage within a certain time frame and pace.

I’m going to head out to my garden now to plant some perennials and (hopefully) finish up with that last 3 yards of mulch we had delivered last weekend.  We’ve had 3 straight days of rain here, so at least my vegetables don’t have to worry about having parched throats.

Anyway, thanks for listening.

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