Road to Heaven, by fd, on Flickr.com

Road to Heaven, by fd, on Flickr.com

I know I generally post these on a Wednesday, but I was so into my Eclipse book (#3 in the Twilight series) that I didn’t even want to turn on the computer last night. Some days, you just have to unplug after work. I know you all understand.

Last week, the Alien left a comment that got me really thinking. When asked what inspired him, he had trouble answering the poll (admittedly these polls are not very user friendly, I don’t think they allow you to answer with more than one option.)  He mentioned that he inspires himself (I hope I am paraphrasing accurately.)  I applaud you,  Alien, yay! I am so proud of and happy for you. I am happy to say I think I am also getting to that point in my life.

Let me explain, and I apologize if this post makes me sound self-absorbed, I am tending to think of it more as self-awareness…

I know everyone’s faith differs, so you can take or leave this post.  Some people feel that before you are born, you actually plan out your entire life, and that there are five exit points that you can choose from. Going along with this thought is that when you experience a feeling of deja vu, that is actually your life’s way of telling you that you are on the path you are supposed to be on, at that very point of time. (I believe I got this from Sylvia Browne. Like I said you can agree or not agree, it’s totally your choice.)

I’ve chosen to follow that view about what deja vu means.  I have sometimes experienced deja vu in a happy setting and in a not-so-happy setting.  What it reminds me is that I’m on the path I’m supposed to be on, and the decisions I’ve made are the ones I’m supposed to have made to get to this point. Even the sad events I’ve seen or experienced were supposed to happen.

The last few weeks I’ve had a feeling of peace around me that has been somewhat new, but very welcome. I’ve made decisions to do things that were, and at times, still seem, to be scary.  Things like the following:

  1. Running faster. Can you imagine? Running faster seemed scary to me at times – I thought it would be painful, I’d have lots of breathing asthmatic problems. I wanted to avoid that.  However, after a while, being content with my 10 minute pace forever seemed scary.
  2. Writing for myself, in addition to this blog.  What scared me (and still does a bit) is thinking people might not like it.  If that’s the worst thing that happens to me, then I’ve got it good.  Knowing I can come home and write and have that sort of release, in addition to running, helps me get through the day at work when things are not going so well.
  3. Choosing to not be friends with people full of negativity.  This is something that has bothered me for quite a while, with one person in particular over the last year and a half. I decided in the past to let it go, but lately I’ve realized I had not actually done that in practice.   Now, I really am to the point where I don’t care – I really don’t give a crap. I figure the other person has chosen to be miserable and carry a grudge. I refuse to apologize for having made a decision that is better for me. It takes so much energy to be negative, and so little to be indifferent.  I choose indifferent. It is a relief to be able to say that.  (Lis, I hope you are reading this – you never have to counsel me on that subject again – yay for you!)
  4. Realizing my life is not just about my job. For the longest time I let it be all-consuming to the point where I was miserable and it was all I thought about. I am much better at shutting it off now when I walk out the door (of course I can always have relapses but they are farther and fewer apart.)

I now get inspiration from having confidence in my decisions and not second guessing everything (other than what to wear to go on a run on those iffy-weather days, just ask Bill how annoying that is to him.)  I hope you all can do the same, and feel like you’re feeding your soul.

In the words of Morgan Freeman, “Get  Busy Living or Get Busy Dying.”  Don’t let fear rule your life.

I’ll close this post by using the title line of one a song I’ve been listening to a lot lately: Enough for Now (by The Fray).

p.s. My brother told me today he’s definitely running the Vermont 50 in September, which allows pacers. Which means I get to pace him!!! 🙂

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