If I had written this post this morning before work (I had the later shift today), it would have read something like this. “I’m really angry and pissed, and I need to get rid of this anger somehow!” Not suprising then, that at one point this morning while biking, I looked down, and I was riding at about 120 rpms, and not in the lowest gear either.

My running partner, Melissa, suggested I take up kick boxing classes. I think after this marathon is over, I am going to seriously look into it – not as a substitution to running but as an alternative to maybe riding the bike one night? My sister thinks I’d be great at it. We were laughing that my one question at the beginning of each class might be “Do I get to drop kick someone tonight?!”

Alissa from Balancing Act wrote some amazing posts last week, I think, made all that more amazing, by her ability to be completely honest about some subjects that others may not feel as comfortable discussing: kids, blogging and therapy, eating disorders and addiction to exercise. Some of that I find hard enough to talk about or bring up even with a close friend. I do agree that blogging can be cathartic, and for me, would be even more so, if I felt the true freedom to write about all of the stuff that bothers me. Sometimes what is bothering me is related to work, which then can manifest itself in a crappy workout for me. Yet, I can’t write about that, no matter how much it bothers me, and in that aspect, sometimes the stifled feeling I have at work carries over to my personal life. I envy those people who work for themselves, even though I know I’d likely be too scared to go out on my own, without the safe haven of a regular paycheck. Guess the grass really always is greener on the other side. (Maybe if I didn’t have so many goddamn student loans…if I had to redo it again, I NEVER would have borrowed that much money ($100K) for law school alone. WTH was I thinking?!)

My mom reminded me of the Serenity Prayer this evening. It made me remember that when my grandmother was alive, she always had it hanging up on her kitchen wall, and I didn’t really get it until now. I’m not really a religious person, but the first lines are words I need to start saying to myself every day:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I wish you all calm and peace for Tuesday and a happy run or workout if you exercise on Tuesday.

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