The last few days have been quite hectic, to say the least. I moved on Sunday, and have been busy unpacking and trying to organize things over the last few days. At times I have felt like if anything can go wrong, it will. My TV broke during the move (or maybe it broke before, who knows?) The recliner chair was never put back together by the movers, and they left behind a moving blanket whichI did NOT want to be charged for. The painters didn’t get into the apartment until AFTER all of my stuff had been moved in. I came home Tuesday afternoon to find the painter hard at work, but all of my stuff which had finally gained a sense of normalcy, placement-wise, had been shoved into the middle of the room. I know the guy had to do it, and the place does look better painted, but I couldn’t find anything all over again!!
The worst thing to happen, which I couldn’t do much about, was that none of my wall unit air conditioners fit in the windows of my building. It’s quite old, and they are just really weird to describe. When it hit 90 today with disgusting dew points, it felt pretty miserable in the apartment. I’ve since bought a portable AC to cool the place off, but again with the windows being so weird, it’s a whole ordeal to get it to exhaust to the outside, so right now, it’s sitting in my bedroom. I had turned it on earlier, and while it felt cool in the front of the unit, guess what was happening on the back end? You guessed it, a ton of hot air was coming out, as is expected. So it was like a vicious circle of energy, it would exhaust hot air just to cool it back down again.
At times over the past few days I’ve felt panicked. Stuff I used to have help with, I don’t anymore. The “feeling helpless” side of me would start swearing out loud and get more pissed off by the minute. The rationale, independent side of me would say that I could do it and just needed to take a deep breath (as @ridgeley on Twitter so kindly reminded me to do. By the way, if you are not following her, you should. She always posts interesting photos, reads a lot about current events, and she is a real sweetheart of a person.)
Tonight, I realized all this negativity and insecurity is just feeding into itself and making things even worse. I remember when I first changed my tagline on my blog to “moving forward with optimism.” It was kind of a play on words, but now I think it has to become more of my motto for life again. Training for the marathon in 2008, they drilled it into our heads that you had to have a positive attitude, and it needed to extend beyond just the race, otherwise the head games would do you in, and you’d never make it through. Over the last few months, for various reasons, I’ve let that slip.
So, from now on, when I hit these hurdles, I’ll remind myself that I made this choice to go it all alone, knowing things would be difficult at times. All the things that stressed me out over the past few days either worked themself out, or will over the next few days. I just need more patience, a whole lot more sleep, start writing again, and to get back into a routine. Oh, and remember that it’s ok for me to ask for help (which is something I don’t like doing). The only thing I’ve been able to keep some semblance of a routine with is running. I’ve tried to not miss too many days over the past few weeks. It’s kept me (somewhat) sane.
I think this is a time when I’m going to learn a lot about myself – my friend and sister-in-law keeps reminding me that I’m not the same person I used to be when I first moved to this city. (Thankfully, she means it in a good way…)
So, these are the good things I can point to over the last few days:
- Fresh coat of paint in the living room/hallway really does make the place look better.
- I had some really good, generous friends give up their entire Sunday to help me move.
- I’ve got some very good family close by with whom I was able to spend a lot of time recently, and I think that strengthened our relationship.
- I’ve got my cats back, and one of them seems to be really flourishing, running all over the place, rather than confining herself to just the bedroom. (They were even both on the couch with me for a few seconds! I should mention, they don’t get along.)
- The older cat has stopped hissing and growling at me, finally. (She was not happy with being boarded at the vet temporarily.)
- Work has been really understanding about my taking so many days off over the past week and a half.
- Have been able to run the past few mornings at a relatively decent pace, even given the humidity. Runs have only been 4 miles or so, but I’ve not slept well either.
- Noticed this morning that if I want to run hills to get stronger, there is no shortage of them around me. Even scoped out a long hill to do some hill workouts on with my friend, Meg.
- I got to see this view below the last few mornings while out on a run (photo taken with zoom by Gorillacam app so it’s not as clear as otherwise would be.) I will try to take more over the next few weeks. Should be really pretty in the fall when the leaves change.
I know that thing are not perfect, and money will be tight for the foreseeable future, but I will make it through. My mom taught me how to make do. And if worse comes to worse, I get a second job. I’m no stranger to working long hours or working hard. (I’m actually glad to be going back tomorrow as we are starting to get into the busy time. I’m already talking in front of the new Law Review kids next week – they come back 2 weeks early. Talk about “August Tsunami.”)
If nothing else, I’ve got my running hobby to help me keep things in check. I’ve got plenty of running clothes and my sneakers are in good shape, so I should be set for a while where that’s concerned. If do a few less races, it won’t kill me. There are a lot of new places to run around here to keep things fresh and interesting.
Anyway, that’s it for now.