Moving forward, onward and upward

I know, everyone. Don’t faint. Yes, I’m posting again.  I have been meaning to post for some time, but work has been extremely busy. And, to be honest, until a little while ago, I was in a rut.

Boston’s winter has not been kind, and we still have a long way to go til it’s over. We already have about 3 1/2 times as much snow as we normally do for this time of year. I’ve not run outside in over a week, basically because my options include (a) running on very slippery, uneven sidewalks, if they are even shoveled  or (b) running down the middle of the right hand lane on my street, which, by the way, is a major road in Boston. So, this week, I once again (gulp, heavy swallow) embraced the treadmill once again. And the Escalator-to-Nowhere stairclimber. Tomorrow, I’ll be hugging the recumbent bike again.  It’ll be nice to see my long lost friend again.

I’ve now been on Prozac for something like 2 or 3 months. I can honestly say that it is making a huge difference. I’m very glad I finally decided to start taking it.  My doctor said we’ll know I’m at the right dosage, when I don’t feel just “better” but “normal.”  We recently upped my dosage and right now I feel like I am at that level of “normal.” Yes, sometimes I feel a bit sad, and sometimes lonely, but those times are becoming fewer and farther in between.

I am trying to focus on my friends, and meeting new ones too.  At my request, my mom and I have taken a bit of a break from each other. At least where I am concerned, and I know this may sound harsh, this is for the better. I am not sure when I will reinitiate contact, it’s one of those things I think I will know the time is right, when the time has come.  And, in case you are wondering, she no longer reads my blog. She said she stopped when I started using abbreviations (you know, such as WTH? or WTF?) And, I don’t think she understands or thinks anti-depressants or medication actually help.

Until then, I greatly appreciate the support of my friends, both those I see in person, and those I talk to online. I also love my doctor and therapist. Both of them have been wonderful, and have been asking all good questions (not always the easiest to answer, but that’s ok, to get better is to go through some hard stuff occasionally.)

Also, things between Bill and I are good. They are very civil. I think we are both moving forward with our lives. It really doesn’t help to be caught up in the past. I find that if I think about the past, it only makes me sad, by and large. I’m not trying to not think about it, but to focus on good stuff.  It’s taken a while to get to this point with us, but I am glad that we are in this place now. He’ll always have played a big part in my life, and I hope to be friends with him in the future. I’m just going to keep moving forward.

My gym is running a Spring Challenge, where you have 204 miles to go as a goal between MLK Day and Patriots Day. I figure I can do that as long as I don’t have any injuries, because you can accrue miles by running/walking/biking/elliptical.  Nope, unfortunately the Esclator-to-Nowhere doesn’t count, but the trainer who runs the program told me she’s thinking of challenges that involve it. I understand that participants may get some perks, and they will likely put together some group runs, and maybe have us run some 5Ks and/or 10K races. I told the trainer in charge of the program about the 10K I will be doing on Super Bowl Sunday, which is supposed to be fast and flat, and along the water. It also has a 5K option for those who so choose, which would be good for newer runners, so she is going to check it out. I offered to help her find some good races – whether or not she takes me up on it, is fine. It’ll be nice to meet more runners, and especially if some of them are new to the sport, I feel like I can offer a lot.

Today I ran 6.27 miles on the treadmill, starting at 6.7 as the speed, increasing up to 6.9. I was pleased to see my average pace overall was 8:49 because it felt nice and easy, very aerobic. I’ve been working on my abs and doing some strength training too. Today, I held a plank for 6:10, my longest time ever!!! And that was at the end of my workout, when I usually feel like I am going to turn to jello!

And, here’s my big news: I am going to start working with Rich, who is a Master Trainer at the gym, next week. My first session will be an hour long, and then after that, I will likely go down to half hour sessions (just because they are a bit more affordable.) Rates for Master Trainers are a bit higher than for personal trainers, but I really like this guy. He’s very down to earth, and encouraging, and friendly, and I don’t worry that he will be texting someone else while he’s working with me. I did a free session with him a few months ago when I first joined the gym, and I really liked his style of coaching. So, wish me luck–when I asked him if I should work out the day before our first session, he laughed and said “I wouldn’t…” LOL 

And yes, ladies, in case you are wondering, he is very cute.   Hey, I would have to be lying down in a coffin, 6 feet underground to not notice! I am sure that women throw themselves at him all the time, and that he’s perfected the “I’m gonna act oblivious act to avoid an AWKWARD situtation” act out of necessity.  (To be honest, I consider this a good, healthy sign that I’m even noticing things like that.)  Yeah…never been a problem I’ve had to deal with, LOL.

Needless to say, I am ready and willing to have my butt kicked. Changing up my routine has been good, and gotten me out of a rut that I badly wanted and needed to be out of. And my weight as of today was 110, which has me very psyched!

I realize some of these pics that I have included in this post, you may have seen before through Twitter, but what’s a blog post without some pics of my animals? The cats even seem to be getting along better, “sharing” each other’s food. (Um…yeah…it’s more like “stealing” each other’s food, but hey it’s only semantics.)  So, the move has been good for them, and even while it has meant going through a lot of pain to get here, I think things are starting to become good for me too.

Thank you to everyone for all the amazing support these last several months. I hope that by writing this positive post, you can see how much I appreciate it and value it.

Onward, and upward.

 

Settling in, trying to return to my blog’s tagline

The last few days have been quite hectic, to say the least. I moved on Sunday, and have been busy unpacking and trying to organize things over the last few days. At times I have felt like if anything can go wrong, it will.  My TV broke during the move (or maybe it broke before, who knows?) The recliner chair was never put back together by the movers, and they left behind a moving blanket whichI did NOT want to be charged for.  The painters didn’t get into the apartment until AFTER all of my stuff had been moved in. I came home Tuesday afternoon to find the painter hard at work, but all of my stuff which had finally gained a sense of normalcy, placement-wise, had been shoved into the middle of the room. I know the guy had to do it, and the place does look better painted, but I couldn’t find anything all over again!!

 The worst thing to happen, which I couldn’t do much about, was that none of my wall unit air conditioners fit in the windows of my building. It’s quite old, and they are just really weird to describe. When it hit 90 today with disgusting dew points, it felt pretty miserable in the apartment. I’ve since bought a portable AC to cool the place off, but again with the windows being so weird, it’s a whole ordeal to get it to exhaust to the outside, so right now, it’s sitting in my bedroom. I had turned it on earlier, and while it felt cool in the front of the unit, guess what was happening on the back end?  You guessed it, a ton of hot air was coming out, as is expected.  So it was like a vicious circle of energy, it would exhaust hot air just to cool it back down again.

At times over the past few days I’ve felt panicked.  Stuff I used to have help with, I don’t anymore. The “feeling helpless” side of me would start swearing out loud and get more pissed off by the minute. The rationale, independent side of me would say that I could do it and just needed to take a deep breath (as @ridgeley on Twitter so kindly reminded me to do. By the way, if you are not following her, you should. She always posts interesting photos, reads a lot about current events, and she is a real sweetheart of a person.)

Tonight, I realized all this negativity and insecurity is just feeding into itself and making things even worse.  I remember when I first changed my tagline on my blog to “moving forward with optimism.”  It was kind of a play on words, but now I think it has to become more of my motto for life again.  Training for the marathon in 2008, they drilled it into our heads that you had to have a positive attitude, and it needed to extend beyond just the race, otherwise the head games would do you in, and you’d never make it through.   Over the last few months, for various reasons, I’ve let that slip.

So, from now on, when I hit these hurdles, I’ll remind myself that I made this choice to go it all alone, knowing things would be difficult at times.  All the things that stressed me out over the past few days either worked themself out, or will over the next few days. I just need more patience, a whole lot more sleep, start writing again, and to get back into a routine. Oh, and remember that it’s ok for me to ask for help (which is something I don’t like doing).  The only thing I’ve been able to keep some semblance of a routine with is running. I’ve tried to not miss too many days over the past few weeks. It’s kept me (somewhat) sane.

I think this is a time when I’m going to learn a lot about myself – my friend and sister-in-law keeps reminding me that I’m not the same person I used to be when I first moved to this city. (Thankfully, she means it in a good way…)

So, these are the good things I can point to over the last few days:

• Fresh coat of paint in the living room/hallway really does make the place look better.
• I had some really good, generous friends give up their entire Sunday to help me move.
• I’ve got some very good family close by with whom I was able to spend a lot of time recently, and I think that strengthened our relationship.
• I’ve got my cats back, and one of them seems to be really flourishing, running all over  the place, rather than confining herself to just the bedroom. (They were even both on the couch with me for a few seconds! I should mention, they don’t get along.)
• The older cat has stopped hissing and growling at me, finally. (She was not happy with being boarded at the vet temporarily.)
• Work has been really understanding about my taking so many days off over the past week and a half.
• Have been able to run the past few mornings at a relatively decent pace, even given the humidity. Runs have only been 4 miles or so, but I’ve not slept well either. 
• Noticed this morning that if I want to run hills to get stronger, there is no shortage of them around me. Even scoped out a long  hill to do some hill workouts on with my friend, Meg.
• I got to see this view below the last few mornings while out on a run (photo taken with zoom by Gorillacam app so it’s not as clear as otherwise would be.)   I will try to take more over the next few weeks. Should be really pretty in the fall when the leaves change.

 

View of Prudential and John Hancock Towers from the reservoir near Boston College

I know that thing are not perfect, and money will be tight for the foreseeable future, but I will make it through. My mom taught me how to make do.  And if worse comes to worse, I get a second job. I’m no stranger to working long hours or working hard.  (I’m actually glad to be going back tomorrow as we are starting to get into the busy time. I’m already talking in front of the new Law Review kids next week – they come back 2 weeks early. Talk about “August Tsunami.”)

If nothing else, I’ve got my running hobby to help me keep things in check. I’ve got plenty of running clothes and my sneakers are in good shape, so I should be set for a while where that’s concerned. If  do a few less races, it won’t kill me.  There are a lot of new places to run around here to keep things fresh and interesting.

Anyway, that’s it for now.